At no point is any regular human ever likely to step out of an Audi RS6 and critique its speed. “It’s just not fast enough,” you’ll probably never, ever, ever say.

So, welcome ABT’s celebratory modified Audi RS6, dubbed the ‘Johann Abt Signature Edition’. It is thusly named because Johann Abt was the founder of ABT Sportsline, and this car marks 125 years since he started hammering out tuning upgrades.

Just 64 versions of The Johann will be built, each one delivering a Mjolnir-sized blow: a whopping 789bhp and 1,000Nm of torque, improvements over the not-at-all-standard car’s 592bhp and 800Nm.
 

This means 0-100kph in The Johann takes just 2.91s (versus 3.6s for The Audi). 0-200kph takes 9.79s and its top speed is well over 320kph. That’s not ‘fast’, that’s ‘f@!bu1fe7kjbvdhalfg’. Such oomph is achieved via a healthy dose of what ABT does best: bespoke turbos for the 4.0-litre V8, a new ECU, bigger intercoolers, more oil cooling and a relatively small sprinkling of witchcraft.

Naturally other things have been upgraded, like the height-adjustable springs, anti-roll bars, and a new aero package that creates 150kg of additional downforce on the rear axle alone. There are inlets and lips and skirts. There are ABT logos. There are wheels. Four of them, each measuring 22in in size and 3.5kg lighter than standard.

Current boss Hans-Jürgen Abt has this to say: “A motorsport mechanic will be responsible for the conversion of each individual example – a unique and exceptional event.

“One man, one vehicle – from start to finish. Six cars per month will be hand-built,” he added. No word on how much each of the 64 cars will cost, but we expect *gestures* that much.